Tuff Stuff Ministries offers you videos by Drs. Earl & Sandy Wilson for encouragement & instruction. Earl & Sandy are the founders & directors of Tuff Stuff Ministries.
“Our prayer is that you will find the path to hope & healing in our videos. God called Sandy and me to minister to people in crisis resulting from pornography and other forms of sexual entanglements. These invariably bring pain & destruction. After having lived for the Lord for many years I became entangled in my own sexual sin which reached addictive proportions, and my sinful choices put in jeopardy all the things I claimed to be dear. True repentance became the foundation for a prolonged period of emotional & spiritual healing leading to recovery and restoration.”
As Sandy walked through Earl’s betrayal, she discovered that resources were severely lacking. Because of her journey, she is now passionate about providing help for women who have been betrayed. Earl’s & Sandy’s experiences and their willingness to be vulnerable combined with their training makes their videos powerful tools for ministry.
Earl’s & Sandy’s videos are available on the Tuff Stuff Ministries YouTube channel. They were produced by Shepherd & Associates.
Because there is some very descriptive language, these videos are not appropriate for children.
Lessons I learned along the way…
In these videos, Dr. Sandy Wilson offers support for wives who have been betrayed by their husbands.
“My husband Earl and I are retired therapists in Portland, Oregon. Several years ago, we started Tuff Stuff Ministries mainly to deal with sexual addiction and to help the spouses. I worked with women whose husbands are sexual addicts. If you have been betrayed by your husband, my goal is to provide help for you in this video series. Some of the topics I’ll be covering are areas where I see us getting stuck as women. Since I walked through this myself, I will use personal illustrations. I will share my story with you with the prayer that the Lord will use what I have been through and what I have learned as a source of support, comfort, encouragement, and direction for you on your journey.”
Sandy’s Lessons I learned along the way… series includes:
“In this video, I share my personal story of the betrayal of my husband, the impact it had on me, decisions that I made, and the steps we began to take.”
Our Reaction to the News
When we discover that we have been betrayed, we generally go into a state of shock. We don’t know what to do with what we’ve just heard. It’s pretty overwhelming. I’ll share some reactions that are often experienced and offer some reassurance, comfort, support, and direction. This is not your fault!
Are you feeling angry? Guilty? Fearful? Anxious? Confused? What do you do with the wildly fluctuating feelings you are having?
What are boundaries, and why are they needed? How do you draw a boundary, and how do you stick to it? What do boundaries look like? How can I change my husband’s behavior?
Forks in the Road
Do I stay, or do I go?
I thought Earl was having an affair for years, but he always denied it. Why did he let me go through all of those years thinking I was crazy because I thought he was involved with someone else? That was the hardest thing for me to forgive. What are the consequences of refusing to forgive? Is it important to be specific in forgiveness? How do we answer those who immediately ask, “Well, have you forgiven him?”
How Do You Ever Trust Again?
Is it possible to trust again? How long does that take? What are the stages of rebuilding trust? What do I need to do to start trusting him? How do I know if he’s sincere? If I stay, how long will it take for me to have feelings for him again?
How to Take Care of Yourself
For those who have been through the betrayal of a spouse, it is life-draining. How do you ever survive that devastating blow? What are some things you can do to help yourself get through this?
Where is God?
Why did God let this happen to me? Are you mad at God?
Especially for Men
Dr. Earl Wilson is a retired psychologist, counselor, university professor, author, speaker, and pertinent to this series, he is a recovering sexual addict. Earl has been successfully in recovery for 30 years. This series is personal, practical, and very valuable because the information presented not only comes from Earl’s training and years as a therapist, but also from his own personal experience. Earl vulnerably shares his journey with the prayer that it will offer hope, encouragement, and steps toward recovery and freedom for many who are enslaved by pornography & other sexual addictions.
Even though titled Especially for Men, this series can also be useful for spouses or female addicts who want to better understand the process of healing that the addict must go through to be whole again.
Because there is some very descriptive language, these videos are not appropriate for children.
Earl’s Especially for Men series includes:
In this series Especially for Men, I want to share with you some things that I’ve learned in the hopes that you’ll learn some things, too, and will be encouraged in your own journey of recovery. I believe it’s important for us to walk with someone for a while to determine what they’ve found that’s useful. I’m sharing a very personal part of my life with you to give you that opportunity.
The Process of Recovery
What does the process of recovery look like? Not every journey’s the same, but there are elements of the journey that each person has to deal with. In this segment, I will talk about the process of getting started and how that began to impact my emotions.
Embracing the Process
In this session, I share some of the feelings I had and some of the activities that were involved in the process of recovery for me. So many of the things I told myself were not the truth. I was challenged to look at the thinking errors that were dominating my life.
Staying on Course
What does it take to stay on course? In this session, you will learn about some of the external and internal restraints that can help provide the support structures so needed for this journey.
People who are caught dealing with pornography or having affairs are often asked the question, “What were you thinking”? In this session, we take a closer look at thinking errors — learning to recognize, evaluate, challenge, and replace them.
“I’m not being defensive!” Have you said that before? Being defensive means you’re being self-protective. Are there better ways to respond? I’ve found that the more defensive I am, the less I grow. Here are some practical suggestions to help us grow.
This is a very important topic as we deal with the impact of sexual addiction on our lives. Denial means that the person has not accepted the fact or will not admit the fact that they are under the control of something dangerous. Normally that involves some form of chemical interaction — hormones, adrenaline, or a substance found in drugs or other things. We’ll look at two common reactions when we are confronted and how we can move beyond to freedom.
Do you want help in rebuilding trust? In this session, I discuss 6 key areas to focus on in the process of rebuilding trust. It may be shocking to discover that in the process of rebuilding trust, words don’t count for anything! What does?
Are there dangers in living in fantasy? Can you really take it or leave it? What things are affected? I offer 5 ways to help you move out of fantasy.
What are my expectations? Aren’t I entitled to some pleasure? What happens when I feel entitled? What impact do my actions based on my feelings of entitlement have on others? I suggest 3 helpful insights that will hopefully change entitlement to enlightenment.
Moving to Light
During this wrap-up session, I share some of the things that I have found to be most important in my life, and I hope that they will be a source of direction and encouragement to you, as well.Sharing our stories…our lives with you
Drs. Earl and Sandy Wilson are the founders and directors of Tuff Stuff Ministries (TSM). Hearing their stories will help you understand the vision, commitment, experience, and wisdom they offer through their videos.
Dr. Earl Wilson
“I had been “sorry” for my sexual sin, but I had never truly repented. I now understand that true repentance demands turning around and running away from the sin. I finally did repent in 1989. I remember crying out to God, ‘Lord I will face it all, and I will forsake it all.’ Repentance became the foundation for a prolonged period of emotional and spiritual healing leading to recovery and restoration. I am grateful for the Lord, my wife, family, and the spiritual care team who walked with me through the process.”
Dr. Earl Wilson received his Th.B. degree from Multnomah University and his Ph.D. from the University of Oregon. Earl became a counselor at Idaho State University and then a faculty member at the University of Nebraska, where he was promoted to tenured full professor and director of the Counseling Psychology and Rehabilitation Counseling Programs.
During the 1970-1971 school year, Earl and his family took a leave of absence, and Earl taught counseling at the National University for Teachers Education in Tehran, Iran.
In the fall of 1977, Earl joined the faculty of Western Seminary as a professor in the doctoral program in psychology. He served in that capacity until 1989 when his sin became public. After serving a year of probation levied by Oregon State Board of Psychologist Examiners, Earl returned to private practice and shifted the focus to men who are entrenched in sexually compulsive behavior (sexual addiction). Earl retired from private practice in 2014.
Earl has authored and co-authored 15 books and booklets.
Earl’s videos are available on YouTube. See the link above.
Dr. Earl Wilson
Cell: (503) 307-0651
Dr. Sandy Wilson
Sandy feels privileged to have spent many years as a stay-at-home mom of 5 children before returning to school to finish her college degree. She holds a doctorate from Denver Seminary, Denver, CO. Sandy is a retired professor of Western Seminary. She has touched many hearts through speaking and coordinating conferences for women and couples. Sandy retired from private practice in 2014. Sandy shares her personal journey with the hope that it will help you know you are not alone.
“Earl and I had been at a ballgame one Saturday. We came home, and our daughter told us that Earl had received a certified letter from the Board of Psychologist Examiners. He went off to read his letter, and I went to make sure the kids were tucked in for the night. When I came back, I asked him about the letter, and he said that it wasn’t much… “We’ll talk about it in the morning.” So we got up the next morning and went to church. Half way through the sermon, I looked over and tears were running down his face. I’d never seen him cry before. We went home, made lunch, started the dishes, and Earl went for a walk. Earl never took walks. I puzzled over this unusual behavior. I (who had never read his mail before) went back, read the letter, and found out that he had been involved with a former client. Strangely, I felt relieved. For a long time, I had had a sense that something was wrong, and now I knew what it was. He returned from his walk and told me that he’d had an affair. I told him, ‘We’ll get through this.’ That was Sunday.
“Monday, I got up, went to work, came home, went to bed, couldn’t sleep, got up, and began to write. The angry feelings began to flow. Somewhere in the night, I decided that I wanted a divorce. When Earl got up, I asked if we could set a time to get together and talk. We met on Thursday night, went to dinner, and I told him I wanted a divorce. He begged me to stay, and he asked me to reconsider over the weekend. I had a commitment to speak for a women’s conference that weekend. When the conference was over, I went down to the beach and felt like the Lord told me that I could go or I could stay…that He’d be with me no matter what I decided. During the 2-hour drive home, I decided that I would stay for one year. I told Earl three things that I wanted:
- That he see a therapist
- That he seek outside input regarding our future speaking engagements
- That he completely sever ties with the other woman
“I also pushed for reaching out to someone else who could help us through these dark days. A spiritual care team was born out of this need. Thus began the journey.”
As Sandy walked through betrayal, she discovered that resources were severely lacking. Because of her journey, she is now very passionate about providing help for women who have been betrayed by their spouses. Sandy’s experiences and willingness to be vulnerable combined with her training makes her videos powerful tools.
Sandy’s videos are available on YouTube. See the link above.
by Earl & Sandy Wilson,
Paul & Virginia Friesen,
Larry & Nancy Paulson
When Christians fall into sin, how can we guide them toward restoration? How can we bring them back into fellowship with more than a superficial apology? What if it is a Christian leader who has been involved in sexual sin or embezzlement or an addiction to gambling?
These are vital questions, but so often churches stumble at this crucial point. Either we ignore the wrongdoing, or we banish the wrongdoer. The authors of this ground breaking book provide a new model for church discipline. The spiritual care team offers an approach that is biblical, compassionate and effective.
A spiritual care team is a small group of mature Christians who voluntarily commit themselves to support and guide a person with special spiritual needs through a process of restoration. This community approach emphasizes the importance of dealing with truth, making repentance complete and reestablishing discipline in the life of the sinner.
In these pages you will find practical guidance on how to form a spiritual care team, how to support the spouse and family of the person being restored, how to integrate professional helpers and the church into the process, and how to provide ongoing care when the main work of the team is complete.